Learning to love where I am

Have you ever prayed for something and then realized maybe it’s not really what you wanted? Like really got on your knees and didn’t stop until you got it, just to act ungrateful when God finally opened the door because maybe it’s not as easy as you thought it would be?

I was working for the same company for 5 years and when I became born again I wanted out. The environment was just killing my spirit and I was praying for God to get me out of there and place me somewhere where I can be a blessing to people and grow spiritually, and He did. After long months of praying and a few interviews I finally got the job I wanted so badly. I have been working here for 6 months now and that joy of having a new job just wore off. I am the only christian in my workplace, so I tend to be the most positive and happy person here, which I’m OK with. I’m praying that somehow my happiness will ware off on my coworkers but honestly I find them avoiding me more than anything. There is such a negative spirit in my workplace that I find myself praying more than ever. I really feel like my presence annoys my coworkers. I was at the point that I wanted out. Waking up everyday to go to work became a drag and my joy was just diminishing more everyday. I would literally be dragging my feet walking to the building.

Then I spoke to God. I told Him I feel horrible because this is what I prayed for and He gave it to me and now I feel like I’m being ungrateful. I mean Jesus endured way more persecution and negativity than anyone can ever experience and He was still happy to do the will of His father, why can’t I be like that? Why is it that I have to be so selfish that I only worry about my happiness and not Gods plan? After speaking to God and letting Him know how I felt He spoke to my spirit. He told me I only feel the negative because that is all I am focused on. He reminded me of all the people I have come in contact with on my way to work on the train or just walking to get my lunch who have been a blessing to me. And the customers that God has blessed by using me to speak the word to them or just to speak a blessing on to their lives. He told me I shouldn’t be looking for a way to get out of a negative atmosphere but I should be praying for Him to sustain me in my situation. I am the only Bible those people may see. I have to be a light in a dark place and if He doesn’t place me in a dark place then how can His light shine? How can people notice the glory of God if there not surrounded by destruction first?. If my goal in life is to do the will of God then I will be happy to endure any criticism, bad talk or any type of persecution that might come with being a servant of Christ. It is going to strengthen me and teach me how to deal with difficult people and show them that unconditional love that God shows me everyday although I fail Him. But of course before realizing this I had to go through that doubt and that discomfort which ultimately led to me feeling guilty for doubting Gods plan and wanting out of it.

God is using us everyday in ways we will never understand. (John 13:7 – Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”)  But just like Jesus said eventually we will see. We only see the situation that we are in while we are in it forgetting that God paints on a canvas the size of the universe and He already has every detail of our life planned out. He knows the purpose of why He places us in difficult situations and it’s not our job to understand why. It is our job as servants of Christ to continue praising Him through the process, continue seeking Him for guidance and strength, and to just show the love of Christ and be that light in a dark world. As long as we are in the flesh we will always grow impatient and that’s OK. But not focusing on the now and just remembering all that God has promised us will carry us through everyday and we will feel more accomplished than ever. Because everyday we are walking in His will and getting closer to our destiny.

So today I woke up grateful for my job and blessed to be chosen to be that light in a dark place. Praying that the love of God will fill the hearts of my coworkers. I have a sense of fulfillment knowing that I am doing the Will of my Father. I will not give satan pleasure in seeing me down but I will defeat him by rejoicing in the Lord no matter my circumstance.

2 Corinthians 4:17 –  For our light afflictions and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

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